Sweet Serenity

Sit back and immerse yourself in the words and the music.

Written by Harmony

Music by WJKington

Equanimity quote

Success quote

Environmental quote

Open your heart quote

Simple Life quote

Real Love

Show you care quote

Help others and follow dreams quote

written 02/08/09

What is beautiful

What is beautiful?

What attracts us to another human being?
When we believe someone to be physically beautiful, are they really?
Or is it just the perception of our own mind?
What appeals to one, may not appeal to another

How can we limit ourselves to giving someone the title ''sexiest person alive'' or ''miss universe'' when our definition of beautiful is defined in accordance with each individual?

Depending on a person's inner beauty, will often determine how we view them on the outside as well. But does this mean, once we start to know someone, that their outer beauty will substantially change?
Or is it just how our minds perceive them?

A person will often have a ''right'' and ''wrong'' view on another individual, depending on what they/we consider to be inner and outer beauty.

What appeals to our senses, obviously goes further than our attraction to another human being. It relates to everything in life.

So I ask again, what is beautiful?

Written 5/8/09

Dharma

Each morning when I think of you
I awake with a smile
I jump out of bed, pick you up
And hug you for a while

You climb down my top
And nestle into my chest
With your little head poking out
There you happily rest

When I go out for the day
I'm excited to come home and see you
I can tell the feeling's mutual
When you frantically run over to me
Licking me like crazy

And you must really love Robbie too
With the way you let him constantly play with you
He makes you pull silly faces
And puts you in funny (safe) positions
And it never phases you a bit
You just close your eyes and drift off into it

And when I notice you curled up safely in his hand
While you both fell asleep together on the couch each night
I watch and smile
As I think it's truly a beautiful sight

Just like me
You love to eat
And when you smell food in the kitchen
You run in and sit by my feet
Waiting for your healthy treat

And when I give you something to munch on
Gees you're funny to watch
As you cantor down the hallway
With this piece of food hanging out of your mouth
While heading off to eat it in one of your 'safe' places in the house

When someone comes to visit
You graciously greet them
With plenty of kisses
And a wag of your tail
To you, they're like a new friend

I refuse to keep you locked up in a cage
So the sun room became your room
Although you prefer to be with us most of the time
And Obviously we didn't mind

When it's cold you make yourself comfy amongst the layers of the spare doona on the couch
Sometimes, shivering myself as I Iay in bed, I lie there with a smirk on my face
Thinking how spoilt you are
But I don't mind as long as you are warm and safe

You First fell ill when you were about 5 months old
I took you to the vet
She suggested to euthanise you
But I would have no part in it
As I believed you would pull through

I wrapped you in a towel
And for 6 days I nursed you in my arms
Medicating you and softly, singing mantras in your ear
Keeping you safe from harm

Every so often,
Your weary head would raise to look up at me
This is what began our bond that we shared
You started to completely trust me
As you could see how much I cared

The vet gave you two days to live
But you survived another one and a half years
And even though you're not always well
You know that love and support for you are always here

Some people might think
''gees, she's only a rat!''
But little Dharma girl
You are as much family to me
As a dog or cat would be

Naming you Dharma was perfectly suited to you
You are as kind spirited as the Buddha teachings themselves
Giving nothing but loyalty, friendship and unconditional love
You truly belong in an angelic realm up above

If i listened to the vet
I wouldve missed out on all the laughs you give me
And our friendship we share so honestly

Dharma, my heart feels completely open With you
Thankyou little rattie
I love you...

written 8/8/09

Friendship quote

written dec 2007

Illusion quote

Written june 2009

My name is

i wrote this after i watched a story on homeless people.

My name is Derrick,
That's right I have a name,
I'm not some feral
That you may think is deranged

I was once like you
Styled back hair
Wearing a nice suit,
With plenty of loot

Walking along
Ignoring the 'scum' I'd pass on by
These 'bums' probably cried at night as they laid in an alley somewhere
Wishing for someone to love and accept them
But did I notice or care?

No! I just looked and stared
And kept walking

Then I made some wrong financial choices
Losing my car, my house, then my wife

All of a sudden!

I found myself laying with the ''scum'' I so callously called
Wondering where I went wrong in my life

I sit on a bench all alone
Hoping someone will take the time to talk to me
But they are just the same as I was
Too busy with their own schedules
To even notice I exist
Wow... What a twist!

I now line up in the homeless shelter waiting to be fed
I had so much, yet couldn't see
Now I'm excited for a bit of soup and bread

I watch the cooks voluntarily, serve each of us food
They're genuine, loving smiles bring hope and cheer to my heart
Knowing that the rest of our day will be spent on the streets
They still try to give each of us a good start

As I start to mingle with my own 'type' now
The 'lessor' sector of society
I learn, they're no different from you or me
They're just the same
They too, have feelings, good qualities and want to fit in
And just like you...

They have a name

Written age 28 7/03/09

A stroll in the park

i stroll through the park
its a sunny summers day
people greet me and smile as they pass on by

i see a nice patch of grass over there
so i think i'll have a lay down oh yeah

i pick up a twig and put it in my mouth
while i chew on it i daydream as i look up at the clouds

pretty flowers in the ground capture my eyes yeah
i enjoy the aroma they share with me
i pick one and place it gently in my hair

then i decide to hug a tree
wrapping my arms around it i can feel its healing energy
a baby bird comes running over to me
standing there sweetly looking up at me

now ive had a lovely time outdoors
its a pleasure, connecting with nature
but i think i'll stroll on home now

written 23/11/08
age 28

In The Moment

I sit on my bed,
Looking out at my view, through the opened French doors

As the sun goes down, I watch it seep through parts of the cloudy sky, while others gracefully float on by.

A soft breeze is welcomed, temporarily distracting me from a humid summer's afternoon.
Listening to the meditative sounds of sacred earth, helps me to feel at peace .

As the sun goes down, I see all the pretty lights, glow in the suburb before me.
In front of them is a dead tree, but its interesting contours, give it an art exibit feel.

I notice my surroundings how they appear to me now.
In these moments there is no need to speak, or even think.
I see, that being in the present moment, is all there really is.

Does a future actually exist?
And does the past really matter?

Being in the present, seems so much simpler, yet I know I'll complicate things again with my fluttering thoughts and believing each one to be true.

Why do we as humans feel the need to think all the time?

Reminiscing over the past and worrying about the future,
when the things we worry about may not even come into fruition, let alone the future itself.

If we give ourselves that moment,
to be in the moment,
We can then feel what we're always searching for...

Inner peace.


Written 13/12/08
Age 28

THE SOCIABLE ME

Reminiscing about the past
About who I used to be
The sociable out going girl
Feeling forever lost within me.


Spontaneously approaching anyone for a friendly chat
And a bit of playful fun
Having a laugh and a joke around
But now I feel that part of me is gone
Although, I know it's still there somewhere
For when my friend's invite me out, I want to say ''yeah,I'm there!''
My mind is as keen as ever
But my body says ''you're not going anywhere!''


So I'll once again suppress my emotions
And tell myself I've changed
Feeling like I'm a passenger passing by on a boat
Saying farewell to this side of me as I stand there and wave
there's tension in my tummy
From lying to myself
Pretending I'm ok with being a ''hermit''
Due to my ill health
I want to shout!
I want to scream!
I want to show everyone


The sociable me!
Yet, my mind reluctantly tells me otherwise
But my body is no fool
They are often at war with each other
And going through this
Is just plain cruel!


The pain, anxiety and frustration I feel
The social interactions and independence the surgeons had to steal
I once had an enjoyable life
Before I fell under the spell of that cold, metal knife
But I will continue to let my mind tell myself that I don't need much of a social life
Although my body knows this isn't the truth as inside it continues to cry


Written 16/08/08
Age 28

Peace within the pain

I wrote this when i laid on the couch for 2wks with spinal pain...

Feeling peace within the pain.

Sounds odd.

Yet somehow, during the unpleasant feelings, I can ''just be'' at one. I can... ''just be''.

At times a part of me enjoys when I feel quite unwell. For it's these times, I can lay there and appreciate the moment that is now.
I could venture into the past and think ''I should've done this'' or ''not have done that''. But I realise these thoughts will only hinder, not help me.


I could fantasise about the future.

All the things I ''need'' and ''want'' to do, but when I'm in this state, I am often too lazy to put those thoughts in motion. When I do, I tend to grasp at the future events, making myself feel anxious and eager to get back out there to try and fulfill my arranged plans, hoping to receive the desired outcome.
I have learnt in my life that plans often don't go the way they were supposed too. I didn't plan to have some degree of disability after an un-necessary surgery procedure. I could shower myself properly the morning I went into hospital, that afternoon onwards I couldn't.

Gradually, using my hands less due to chronic unrelenting pain, I now have hands that a virtually just for show.
As a young, extroverted girl who loved the independence, social interactions and just to be able to dance, run, enjoy a casual stroll and get up and do anything and go anywhere, has, in one fowl swoop been taken from me somewhat. Though thankfully, I am not completely dependent and am forever grateful and feel blessed to still have the chance to dream!

When I ''relax'' on the couch, in the agony of my physical pain, theres no need for nostalgia. It is past and it wont help me now!

Thinking of what may lie ahead, may never come.
I can now feel at peace, just being here.
I don't have to push myself to do this and do that.

Even when I enjoy my activities, my body constantly reminds me that I have a tumour. The flat mate, my mother named ''Tim'', is persistant in continuing to live with me, even though, everyone wants him to move out!
Even though, I can never seem to escape him, Its so nice not having to face ''the world outside'' sometimes.
I can just lay here and read, listen to some pleasing music, watch a funny movie, or express myself through writing. All the while having nutritious tasty meals served to me, to satisfy my healthy appetite, from someone who loves me.

When the pain's quite severe, its easy to start going over the ''what ifs''. ''what if'' I'm getting worse, ''what if'' this is the last time I'll walk, ''what if '' I die young, ''WHAT IF'', ''WHAT IF''... I am now learning to replace these thoughts with yeah, well, ''what if'' these things happen? Yes it would make things harder, no I don't want to suffer anymore, but for whatever reason, I've been given a life with a strong amount of suffering, and I've learnt to deal with that the best way I can.
When I feel angry, frustrated, sad etc, sometimes I go with it. Sometimes I hide behind some codeine, to help take the edge off, but to also give me that stoned sleepy feeling, so I can escape from this life, for a few hours. However, Other times, I realise the emptiness in it all.

I'm intelligent enough, to know the existence in things to be true are often false, including the reflection I see in the mirror. Although, being aware of it intellectually and feeling it as a sense are quite different. If we could all ''feel'' the emptiness and impermanence, we would all be in a state of equality. Nothing would bother us or hurt us any more.

Sometimes I feel this peace, when the pain is quite severe.

I fought the changes for nine years, though, its been more intense the last three and a half. Finally, I have stopped rebelling and fighting the deterioration of my body. I am now more accepting and embracing as there is nothing more I feel I can do.

I am aware there's a chance I could continue to decline. Am i being negative? no. Just realistic.

However, it doesn't make a thought like that any easier, at any age, but i think even more so, when your're young. Especially, socialising with others that are of similar age, with no apparent health problems... Yet.
Although, I can no longer waste energy on comparing myself to my friends or other young people, wishing for the ''old me'' to return, watching others, thinking, ''I could do that once'', or ''I used to take that for granted, like you do now'' or ''something so simple to you, which used to be for me, isn't so simple now'' etc, etc.

I need to realise, that everything passes, including who I used to be.

I've now had my time to grieve, and it is now time to let go and move on. I have to learn to love myself for I am now, then I can enjoy the present quality of my life.

After all, this life is impermanent, myself, loved ones and all surroundings. So I can choose to flow with it, bringing some relief or I can resist, bringing further suffering, until I reach the culmination of this life.
I am fortunate in the sense, that ive been given the opportunity, to ponder over my own mortality. Because we all know that all of us will depart at some point, but do we really feel it?

Most of us go to bed assuming we will awake tomorrow. But where is that guarantee?

There are no guarantees, the suns rays will shine through our bedroom window, to let us know, it's the birth of a new day. Or to hear the birds greet each other in a melodious manner. There are no guarantees with anything.

Everything is unstable.

Everything is changing.

So once again, I am glad to be able to express my deep inner thoughts and feelings, and that I have at least one participating member on my right hand (my thumb) to be able to type out my emotions through these words.
I would like to finish by saying, despite any deterioration, i do believe i have the chance and opportunity to reverse the situation and heal myself!

Being quite the determined, stubborn and strong minded person that i am, has actually worked in my favour. It's given me the strength and patience i need to never give in or give up! All hope isn't lost!
I will now sit back into my ''luxury lounge'' and enjoy a nice cup of tea and feel... the peace within the pain.

Written by Harmony
Age 28
Thursday 14/08/08

Sweet Serenity

This is my rock where I sit and I dream.

With each life giving breath, i feel more alive, as my lungs inhale the fresh, un-polluted air.

I close my eyes and hear the trickling of the water as it flows freely down the side of the cliff.
I hear each liquid drop,one by one, connecting with the lake below.

I now change my position and lay across the rock.

With my feet on the ground, I draw in the earth energies.

The sun smiles upon me, with its rays gently penetrating my skin, while a soft breeze carefully caresses each individual strand of my hair.

While I peacefully lay there, I look up and gaze at the cumulonimbus clouds looking inviteably like white marshmallows, floating across the pale blue sky.
I wonder if I could cushion myself comfortably in them?

I then look across and am now lured in by the pond beside me.
I rise and walk towards it, as its crystal clear presence, is too hard to resist.
As I approach I notice the trees overhanging above, with their reflections calmly swaying with the movement of the water.

I gradually step in.

My feet feel like they're being massaged by the sand and pebbles below.
I feel the water particles touch every part of my skin, for there is no layer of fabric between us.

I feel free... no restrictions.

Every gentle ripple, washes away any impurities, leaving my body to feel cleansed and alive.

With the rock walls around me, I feel safe as they embrace me like a warm hug.
Leaning against the layered cliff wall, I position myself nicely into the corner.

I observe my mind and become aware of the fleeting thoughts.
Drifting into a meditative state, these images start to subside, bringing a sense of emptiness and peace within.
As I go deeper into the present moment I am captivated more and more by nature's version of music and beauty that appears before me.

Mother nature offers these tranquil surroundings ... Until she is disturbed.

I feel all the elements come together, generously sending out their healing energies to refresh and revitalise my body and mind.

Even though I am alone, I am at one with myself and with nature.

There is a stillness within my heart.

There is harmony.


Written age 28
Fri 11/07/08

I FEEL WEIRD

I feel weird.

Try to find the words to explain, but... SILENCE... There are none.

There are feelings, but what are they?
Where are they coming from?
What do they mean?
Yet, what I feel doesn't really exist.
I feel nothing.
So what is real?

Which of my emotions are true?
Can I even use the word truth?
What does that even mean? Truth?

I am in the present, but am also absent.
Absent from what? I am not sure.

My mind, body, my surroundings or all of the above, who knows.
Although can I say these things are mine?
Do I own them? No. How can I, when everything is transitory?

With every blink, life changes.
How does it change?
How am I changing?
How can I work this out, when I don't know who I am?

WHO AM I???

What are my beliefs?
Where do my beliefs come from?
How much of it is from the inside?
How much of my conditioning to the world is from what I have been subjected to in my life and surroundings?
How much of what I think is from being bombarded by external conditions?

What are these changes going on within me?

It is like a rapid water fall.
Normally I would grab onto an overhanging branch and hold on tight, but instead, I will dismiss it and flow fast and free with the current.

It is exciting, yet peaceful.
Confusing, yet less clouded.
Tiring, yet rejuvenating.
Emotional, yet empty

The openness helps release anxiety.
I feel less fear.

My old skin is shedding, in preparation for the new.
How and who will I be tomorrow?
Who will I be in a few months, at the end of this year and in a year's time?

Will I finally find the HARMONY within?

I do know that the person I am at this moment, will be different within months to a year, that is One question I don't need to ask, as I am noticing changes from a monthly basis, which seems to have transpired to weekly.

So instead of analyzing everything little thing and trying to answer questions that I'm not even sure what I am asking, I shall continue to open myself to the ride down the waterfall and soak up the pleasant scenery with my inquisitive mind, but only taking in, what I feel is intuitively healthy for me and enjoy the times of peace and serenity and learn to develop more of that and less of the mental, emotional and physical discomfort.

My life has never been dull.
It has been an interesting journey and I know this next phase will, once again, not dissapoint
I will see where it takes me...


Age 28
Written 6/5/08