Equanimity quote

Environmental quote

My name is

i wrote this after i watched a story on homeless people.

My name is Derrick,
That's right I have a name,
I'm not some feral
That you may think is deranged

I was once like you
Styled back hair
Wearing a nice suit,
With plenty of loot

Walking along
Ignoring the 'scum' I'd pass on by
These 'bums' probably cried at night as they laid in an alley somewhere
Wishing for someone to love and accept them
But did I notice or care?

No! I just looked and stared
And kept walking

Then I made some wrong financial choices
Losing my car, my house, then my wife

All of a sudden!

I found myself laying with the ''scum'' I so callously called
Wondering where I went wrong in my life

I sit on a bench all alone
Hoping someone will take the time to talk to me
But they are just the same as I was
Too busy with their own schedules
To even notice I exist
Wow... What a twist!

I now line up in the homeless shelter waiting to be fed
I had so much, yet couldn't see
Now I'm excited for a bit of soup and bread

I watch the cooks voluntarily, serve each of us food
They're genuine, loving smiles bring hope and cheer to my heart
Knowing that the rest of our day will be spent on the streets
They still try to give each of us a good start

As I start to mingle with my own 'type' now
The 'lessor' sector of society
I learn, they're no different from you or me
They're just the same
They too, have feelings, good qualities and want to fit in
And just like you...

They have a name

Written age 28 7/03/09

THE SOCIABLE ME

Reminiscing about the past
About who I used to be
The sociable out going girl
Feeling forever lost within me.


Spontaneously approaching anyone for a friendly chat
And a bit of playful fun
Having a laugh and a joke around
But now I feel that part of me is gone
Although, I know it's still there somewhere
For when my friend's invite me out, I want to say ''yeah,I'm there!''
My mind is as keen as ever
But my body says ''you're not going anywhere!''


So I'll once again suppress my emotions
And tell myself I've changed
Feeling like I'm a passenger passing by on a boat
Saying farewell to this side of me as I stand there and wave
there's tension in my tummy
From lying to myself
Pretending I'm ok with being a ''hermit''
Due to my ill health
I want to shout!
I want to scream!
I want to show everyone


The sociable me!
Yet, my mind reluctantly tells me otherwise
But my body is no fool
They are often at war with each other
And going through this
Is just plain cruel!


The pain, anxiety and frustration I feel
The social interactions and independence the surgeons had to steal
I once had an enjoyable life
Before I fell under the spell of that cold, metal knife
But I will continue to let my mind tell myself that I don't need much of a social life
Although my body knows this isn't the truth as inside it continues to cry


Written 16/08/08
Age 28

"IT'S" back!

I’m out there
What feels all alone
Oblivious to my surroundings
Looking for that safe place
Afraid of the unknown

Corrupting thoughts run through my mind
Then the physical symptoms start to roll
The fight is on to save myself
From the fear of losing control

Sweaty palms and shakiness
My heart starts to pound
I’m so scared I’m going to die or pass out
Every minute feels like an hour

Feeling a sense of derealisation
Seeing stationary objects move
Sensitive to any sound and light
My autonomic nervous system sends signals
Telling me that something’s not right

All of a sudden the fear has gone
And the symptoms start to decrease
Worn out from the physical and emotional turmoil
I think I’m ready for some sleep

Age 22
23/7/02