Karmic Afflictions

Like the absence of rain
So are my days without pain

The sunlight casts over my shadow of gloom
I reach out for it’s essence as my body cries
While my immune system fights hard
To stop the war between good and evil
Controlling the population of the once breeding mutated cells

Feeling like I’m on a rotisserie going round in circles
While a burning flame roars fiercely through my nerves
My muscles feel tight as well
But they also feel like an elastic band being stretched throughout my body
And through my chest

Yet,
if there is no ‘I’

and existence isn’t the way we perceive it to be
Then why does this physical body of pain seem so real?
I feel it’s a raw deal
As I have always tried to cherish others
So why am I being punished?

I sit here in my house
With two windowless walls
I look up and see a wheel chair that was bought for my grandfather
Though through his stubbornness
He refused to use it
So in my lounge room it sits

I wonder was it subconsciously bought for me
Will my legs one day, give way?
To the growth in my spine
Though thankfully it is benign
So I have time to revaluate my life
And rid myself of the negative torments
That I have bestowed upon myself and others
In, not just this life time, but in other lifetimes as well
I mean, it could be worse
I could be a being in the realm of hell

So I will once again drag my weary body out of bed
And face another day
With great determination
That I will conquer this struggle
And know that this is only temporary
Though it feels very permanent
I have to train my mind to feel at ease
To rid myself of this dis-ease

And realise that I am not that different to many people out there
And acknowledging our bodies and minds are intertwined
And whatever we think
Will manifest physically
And believing that most of us are mentally un well
Makes me realise
That I’m not the only one that has to battle with ill health

AGE 27
completed 31/07/07

LURE

I reflect over my life
And think of the good
and not so good times

I know you’ve been there
But I want you to go
Because I don’t care

You make it hard for me
In my everyday life
What do I have to do?
Do I have to go under the knife… AGAIN?

I want to break free from these chains
Don’t need this pain… any longer
Why don’t you refrain
And leave me alone
Because you must go
You have to go!

Whatever you want
I won’t give in
Try as you might
You just won’t win!

So let me be
Let go of this hold
You’ve given me
Move on somewhere else
Let me be free
I want the chance to live my dreams

You’ve been with me
Almost half of my life
Are you trying to cause me strife?

What do you want?
Do you want me to break?
Are you trying to see
How much more I can take?

Do you smile when I’m down?
Do you frown when I smile?
Does everything seem
Like it’s all been worthwhile?

I just want to be free
I just want to be free
When will you go
And just let me be?


*age 25*
April 2006

The importance of LETTING GO!

Born so perfectly
No flaws, that one can see
Things seem to run smoothly
Until, your parents split up
And they move apart
At nine years old,
It’s confusing and breaks your heart

The mother leaves her father
for a man who’s angry and domineering
The father’s girlfriend, also angry
Often taking pills, sitting there with her face in her lap
Yelling at you, calling you a brat

Alcohol abuse every night
Don’t want to be at either home
Because of all the fights

Don’t worry child,
Just cry yourself to sleep

When hanging out with friends
Put on a brave face
Hide the pain
That you try so desperately to erase
Let them think the grass is greener on your side

After ten years of this
You start to feel ill
FINALLY, the girlfriend leaves and so does the abusive boyfriend,
That you moved out with at age sixteen
The mother’s boyfriend is still around
And starts to settle down,
Though still an angry person
But really only towards your mother now

The next several boyfriends, you’re with
Most are drug addicts,
you try and help them
Abusing you’re kindness
They just rip you off
As they drift carelessly, meandering, in and out of jail
Doing the same to others
As they leave their smelly trail

At the age of twenty-three
You’ve had enough of being used and abused
You feel a little more sick each year
From the constant stress
You decide it’s time to put yourself first
Fuck everyone else!
You need to focus on your own health!

At age twenty-four
You find out that something’s growing inside of you
Watching yourself slowly fade away
That could potentially, take your life one day

Suddenly things are put into perspective
Trivial things are no longer selective
Saving yourself, becomes the objective

The first thing to do is let go of old wounds
Heal the mind
Find a spiritual path
And give yourself some time each day to have a good laugh

mum, dad and Nai,
I love you

Robbie
I thankyou

And for all the support
That’s been given to me
From strangers, friends and family

It’s been a hard road
But without your help
I would’ve had no road to walk down…

age 25
28/01/06

ROBBIE

I know sometimes you think I don’t love you
But my feelings for you are deep and true
When you look at me with sincerity in your eyes

I realise the love I have for you is something I won’t compromise
The way you stick to your word
And are honest with me
Trusting and caring
Are things I don’t forget easily

The way we’re so compatible
And have grown so close, so fast
I feel like I’ve known you for ages
Like you’ve come back from somewhere in the past
I love having a laugh with you
And seeing you smile
It brightens up my day
And makes everything seem worthwhile

You’re a very special person
And I’m glad that we have met
You’re my best friend and lover
And you’re someone, I’ll never forget

I admire what you’ve done
And have a thought for what you’ve been through
I respect the person you’ve become
And for these reasons
Are why I love you

written *2003*

Possum Lady

I know you don't see it now
But look at what you've done
You've saved these animals lives
And become their beautiful mum

You've picked them up
When they've been stranded
And held them in your arms
Saving them from the outside world
Protecting them from harm

You've given them another chance
Another chance of life
Without you,
They probably would've died a cold and lonely death
Or been in very big strife

Always playing by your side
Wanting to always be close to you
Knowing that they're loved
And them loving you too

Don't blame yourself
For you can only do your best
Your're not expected to know everything
Especially while your're still learning

Now it is time for them to move on
For karma has come into play
And even though we didn't want them to leave
It wasn't their fate to stay

But at least they have left peacefully
With nothing but love filled in their tum
And before they left on their new journey
They left knowing...
That they had a mum

Written Age 23
10/08/03

No Grey

This poem was mainly directed at boyfriend i had, that used to laugh at my opinions and views on life.

Needless to say we didn't last very long as we were two very different people.

Although, we still talk now and then, 8yrs later and has opened up a little since then.

I don’t understand how someone can think they’re intelligent
But really know nothing at all

Thinking they know everything
To the point that everyone else’s views are wrong
And up go their arrogant walls

Being a skeptic
Being black and white
They see “no grey” in the middle
Because “they know they’re always right.”

You try to show them other views on life
But it’s just a waste of time
It’s like talking to a brick wall
Or on deaf ears
Because their thoughts are fixed in their minds

They laugh at you
And make fun of what you say
They look at you strange
But to me,
They’re the one’s that are deranged

They reckon they ARE open minded
But how can a person say this
When one’s not willing to listen
And open up to new experiences?

I think it’s really sad for people like this
Because how can someone become a better person and grow
When their mind’s are permanently closed.



age 23

Written 8/11/03

The only one

You lift me up
when i am down
you make me smile
when i have a frown
my heart starts to pound
when you're around

there is no other sound or thought
when you're with me
because you are
the only one on my mind

age 22
10/10/02

Reality bites

Nothing to say
but a million thoughts ponder
everywhere i look
i sit and wonder

Different faces
different places
going in opposite directions
but searching for the same connections

Some find it
but many are lost
some give up
no matter what the cost

Others think they've found it through drugs
or from the company of someone else
also maybe through material wealth

If we learn how to respect and love ourselves
and eachother
and to respect our earth we call our mother

we will no longer feel the need to search out there
it's within us all
just look inside and you will find
your way to escape and deal with it all

The power is in your mind


*age 22*


10/03/03

Do you have...

When you're down
erase that frown
open your eyes
and see what's around

Do you have a bed?
And other creature comforts?
Do you wake up to the smell
of freshly cooked crumpets?

Do you have a fridge?
and a cupboard full of food?
Can you go out and party whenever you're in the mood?

Do you have a good family?
And a few close friends?
People that will be there for you
until the very end

If you have any or all of these
then put a smile on your dial
and maybe you'll realise
that your life is worthwhile

*age 22*

friday 25 october 2002

Why do i feel this way?

Why do I feel this way?
My emotions are very strange
My body feels physically ill
And psychologically deranged

Mood swings from north to south
It seems like every chance they get
My body and mind need some release
They need some sort of outlet

Exaggerating every mood
And prolonging negative thoughts
I don’t know why I torture myself
When all it seems to do is hurt

Detached from the world
Including the people it seems
Everything looks surreal
As though I’m in a dream

I worry about my health everyday
And wonder when I’m going to die
I just hope before I do
I get over this
so I can fulfill my dreams
And live a long, happy, healthy and prosperous life

age 22

1:25am 15/8/02

To Naomi

There is a special bond
that only we can share
the sister love
that will always be there


The kind of closeness
we share together
the love and the trust
we'll have forever


You are very beautiful
and i love you very much
you are my SISTER
and that's something special
no one can touch


We've stuck by each other
through good times and bad
having you as my sister
makes me very glad


I'll always be there for you
and i'll always be true
You are NAOMI
my SISTER
and i very much...


Love You


*Love Harmony*

"IT'S" back!

I’m out there
What feels all alone
Oblivious to my surroundings
Looking for that safe place
Afraid of the unknown

Corrupting thoughts run through my mind
Then the physical symptoms start to roll
The fight is on to save myself
From the fear of losing control

Sweaty palms and shakiness
My heart starts to pound
I’m so scared I’m going to die or pass out
Every minute feels like an hour

Feeling a sense of derealisation
Seeing stationary objects move
Sensitive to any sound and light
My autonomic nervous system sends signals
Telling me that something’s not right

All of a sudden the fear has gone
And the symptoms start to decrease
Worn out from the physical and emotional turmoil
I think I’m ready for some sleep

Age 22
23/7/02

TRANCE

I hear you speak
and i feel sensations run through me
i feel your presence
and everytime i do feel free

You make me feel like no other lover
your warm embrace captures me like no other

Floating through space
dont want to leave this place
Floating through space
i'm in a trance like state

You've captured me with your trance
all i want to do is dance
the only place i feel safe
is in my trance like space

age 21
'2001'

Elee

You are the sunshine of my days
You are the warmth and security of my nights
You are the blossoming of flowers
You are the trickling of a waterfall
You are the sight of a luscious rainforest
You are the twinkle in a star
You are the sound of waves meeting the ocean shore
You are the scent of something natural
You are the sound of music
You are the touch of love
You are beautiful

*18 YRS OLD*
14/3/99

Karma Dog

Happy and vivacious
my little bundle of joy
as he runs around the yard
chewing up a little fluffy toy

But then he finds something a little more exciting
it's yellow, round and small
yes! it's that bloody tennis ball!

As he runs up with the tennis ball
he drops it at my feet
i throw the ball for him and try to have him beat

But Karma dog's to quick for me
as he leaps HIGH up in the air
and lands sturdy on his feet again
waiting for another dare

I throw the ball again for him
but this time all has been done
it's dissapeared amongst some part of the yard
and that's the end of all our fun

Not to worry... thinks little Karma dog
heading off toward the south
and comes running back with a smile on his dial
with a football hanging out of his mouth

Oh darn it! i think
not another ball
does this dog ever stop
he has more energy than any of us at all

Then finally...
i've worn him out
he has a drink of water
finds a spot amongst the grass
slowly closing his eyes and falling asleep
i've tired him out at last

Dedicated to my beautiful dog
KARMA
i love you

age 17
written 26/08/97

We have a right too!

I wrote this poem after watching an Opera Winfrey episode and this particular program was about parents with gay children and how they dis-owned them because they were disgraced by their sexuality.
The children were obviously very upset and wanted re conciliation.
I felt upset for these children and it inspired me to write the following poem.

I personally am not gay, although i have experimented.

What is your problem
why do you say
that being who i am
is wrong in every way?

If you thought i was normal
you'd treat me the same
until the moment you realised
then you put me to shame

Its DISCRIMINATION!

and im treated like a flu to stay away from
why cant you just except me for who i am
and for what i have become

FOR I AM GAY!

And i am proud to say
that i have as many rights as anyone else
So please treat me like im human
share those rights...
dont just keep them for yourself

As i walk down the street
hand in hand with my lover
people all look and stare
but if i was with the opposite sex
they wouldn't notice and wouldn't care

Then there's the anti gay groups
who disdain me from what i believe in
they tell me it's wrong and abnormal
and that i'm involved in some sort of sin

So how do they perceive 'normal'
through fights because of someone else's belief
if we had a right to be who we are
then there wouldn't be so much anger and grief

So this is why i keep it quiet
and keep it within my
it's my sexuality
and im not hurting anyone else

For everyone can be opinionative
and some people do have a nerve
and it's from this
i wish i was 'normal' sometimes
then i'd have the respect i deserve!

written by HARMONY BLYTH
age 15

MONDAY 22/5/95

Mikey

Life without you
Would be like...
Life without flowers
Life without air
Life without the sun
But when i look at you
The flowers bloom
The atmosphere's clean
And the sun comes shining through
Just remember
You're the one
And i'll always love you

written age 16

2/11/96

Reflections

I glance into the candlelight
I think about myself
And the people I care about

About my life
And how much it has changed
And keeps changing

About the important things
And things,
That are just so worthless to argue over.

Written 1996
age 16

MANY MOODS

As i sit here in the darkness

i feel a stream of pain run down my face

As the loneliness increases

i can feel the depression seep in

As the anger destroys me

i become a little some what destructive

As i feel hurt and used

i feel like seeking revenge

As i sit here

and think about how to resolve my problems

nothing seems to work out

or make sense

i can now taste the salt in my tears

as i don't understand why i'm feeling this way

It's times like these

i wish i could escape to...

"the sky of diamonds"

written 15/10/95

age 15