Friday, May 16, 2008

Felix

My name's Felix
I sit here all alone
On this cold concrete floor
I hear nothing but screams & moans

I see a faceless white coat
Approaching me
Will you please be my friend
Can you refrain from hurting me again

I watch the blood drip from their probes
& with my lacerated tongue
I lick my wounded pores

I fall!
Collapsed on the floor
I just cant take anymore
You cant hear my screams
While you watch your TV screens
Are you to busy to HELP me!?
From this, misery
Or am I just a simple monkey?
So I'll just continue to lie here

Sometimes, somewhere I remember
When I wasn't just a number
Happily sucking on my mother's breast in slumber
I was safe & secure
I wonder if I'll see my mummy again...
Or is this how my life will end?

My name's Felix
I sit here all alone
I dream of a hug & being loved
But until then
I'll sit here & wait for you to...
Rescue me

written jan 08
age 27

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Dear Father (Because of you)

this is a song i wrote, to thank my father for all his support over the years

Dear father
There's so many things I’d like to say to you
to thank you for all that you do, for me


Dear father
You’ve never gone astray
You’ve stood by my hurdle all the way
And When I'm scared and want to hide
You're always there by my side


(chorus 1)
Because of you
I can still walk
Because of you
I have the chance to dream
Because of you
And all the help you give
I can look at my future, with a smile
And know that its worthwhile
Because of you

Dear father
I respect the man you are
You're a loving dad and son
And Even when your own heart bleeds
You're always there for others needs

Dear father
There's a special bond we share
And When you need me, I’ll be there
You have given me a special gift
Of a father that cannot be replaced

(chorus 2)
Because of you
You help the pain to ease
Because of you
My anxiety starts to cease
If it wasn’t for you
I may not have survived,
That time when I felt I could die
It was you who held my hand
As I, laid there and cried
Because of you

They say a ring is round
And that’s for sure
And that’s how long
I’ll love you for

(chorus 1)

Because of you
Because of you
Because of you

My father, thank you
My father, you are so true
My father, a heart so pure
My father, I love you…

Written Thursday 31/01/08 (age 27)

Monday, May 12, 2008

Mind

I was in an observant mood while i was out one day sitting by the ocean at a local beach. I was looking at all the people around analyzing everyone and observing the nature of life and and how it changes.

Most of us deny the impermanence of things, or if we don't,we still often feel "it won't happen to us" whatever that may be. Anyway, it was interesting watching people, and i had the urge to write something. Without pen or paper, i was glad i had my trusty mobile with me, and i went a texting away...



The mud is thick.
Stuck in it's reluctance to move.
Benign muck.

Thoughts race, going round and round like a washing machine.
It wounds the nerves. They wont subside.
Leaving me to feel physically ill.

Does any of this make sense?
Who knows?
In this crazy world, full of hazy minds, all in a daze.

Take off your rose coloured glasses and look around this sleepy town of parochial minds and one eyed views.
It's you who long for something new, in the misconception of our surrounds.

The grasping of what you see to be untrue, you fool!

The once human form, now transformed into a gluttonous seagull, through the ignorance which was possessed.

Trying to stay afloat in a canoe on the water, as the unsteadiness of the sea is unpredictable.

The ocean topples it over, with no control, you find yourself being dragged helplessly down to the realm below.
The naraks are waiting with hot iron swords, the ghosts with bellies so big and hungry, but with a pin hole for a mouth, no food can be swallowed.


Trying to subdue the mind and stray away from disturbing thoughts and erroneous views.
Feeling the need to escape from what one thinks is reality.

I want to put on my wings and fly away, leaving this body of constriction behind me,
while drifting off in my dreamland of mysticism.

Although, am i already in a dream?

Do i need to be awakened from this sleepy mind of delusions?
Is this all just an illusion?

Things arent always as they appear.
Look beyond and you may see the truth.


Changeable in its nature, this mind we like to call our own.
But how can we, when we have no control?

age 27
Written SUNDAY 26/01/2008


Sunday, May 11, 2008

Fly with me


Irridescant rainbows,
glistening in the bubbles
They playfully dance around aimlessly with me

With no direction or concept of time
They are not in a hurry

In a state of tranquility
My thoughts subside as I feel free
Drifting off to a sacred place within me

Fly with me
In this fantasy I will be
Fly with me
Fly with me

I spread my wings and drift off
to my own land of harmony
Where colourful flowers blooms

as they sway and smile at me

Shimmery, glittery,
nestled comfortably in the clouds
Hugging me I feel,

safe and sound

Fly with me
In this fantasy land i will be
Fly with me
Fly with me

Fairies that gracefully roam around free
Leaving sparkled reflections in my eyes
As they pass me


Moving flawlessly,

their friendly waves are directed at me
I feel so peaceful here
I never want to leave

Fly with me
In this fantasy i will be
Fly with me
Fly with me

Dont be shy
Escape from the illusion of your mind
Let yourself go
Have a loving embrace to the unknown
Open your heart to having some fun
Come with me to the land of dreams
We'll float amongst the stars

Fly with me
In this fantasy i will be
Fly high with me
Fly with me
Fly with me
To the land of dreams x4


We'll float amongst the stars


age 27
Written Tuesday 29/01/08


I DREAM

this is a song i wrote...

I dream of a tumour free spine
I dream of a life that’s worthwhile
I dream of having no pain at all
This includes, when I sleep, sit and walk

I dream for the numbness to go
I dream to feel things properly with my toes
I dream of being just like you,
To take my body for granted the way that you do

I dream to have perfectly functioning hands
I dream to squeeze a peg again
I dream to have full independence to come
And to have the patience at times when I lack

I dream of a body not so weak
I dream for some weight gain on me
I dream for the pressure to cease
So the nerve and muscle aches may finally ease

I dream for no anxiety
I dream to find peace within me
I dream to reach the age of eighty
And live a long, healthy meaningful life
without this suffering


I dream to live a better life

Written Tuesday 29/01/08


Enter the island


Here is a piece of music written by my neighbour Wayne for a dungeons and dragons game.
He asked me to do the vocal part.

When you listen to it, you can visualise yourself in the fantasy.


Melodic Desire Song

These are lyrics I wrote for a piano piece that my neighbour wrote.

When i first met him, he played me various pieces that he put together, including this one.
However, this piece, was one of his least favourites, but as soon as he played it, i found it really touched my heart and reminded me of my love for dancing and music. I knew exactly how i wanted to arrange this piece.
I wrote the Lyrics and assisted with the composition.

I wrote a poetry version prior to this, also called Melodic Desire, which you can read on the previous post.

You can listen to me singing the song by clicking on the mp3 file below.

Melodic Desire.mp3

I have such desire for you,
as I dance around the room.

Goosebumps appear as you kiss my skin,
My heart starts to race when we embrace,
I am mesmerised with your soulful tunes,
nothing makes me feel the way you do.

The more I fall under your spell,
I feel I could fly,
from this natural high.

My sorrows have ceased,
I'm in ecstasy,
I feel free when it's just you and me.

You are what I require,
My melodic desire,
don't ever leave me coz,
I don't know what I'd do,
If I couldn't dance with you.

You are my love that's true.

*age 27*
2007

Saturday, May 10, 2008

melodic desire (poem)


alot of people have found it difficult to understand my obsession with dancing and clubbing, and after i failed to explain how i feel, i eventually wrote this poem.

I feel you flow through me
Bringing warmth to my soul
I feel every part of your essence
As you rush through my veins
And please every one of my senses

I am anxious and excited
To be in your presence
My body flows to your every sound
I feel the people around me
Start to form a crowd
My feet stomp to your base
While my mind drifts off to space
I explore every inch of the dance
I lift up my arms and embrace you
Objects around me start to disappear
It’s now just you, me and the dance floor
Beneath my feet


My pulse rate rises
The more I fall under your spell
The more I feel I could fly
Don’t ever leave me
For I know,
No other way to experience this natural high

My hair becomes wet and messy
Sweat drips from my face
My clothes are that drenched
It’s like I’ve been standing in the rain
But I don’t care
All my emotional pain has ceased
As I keep dancing without despair

I feel you rush through my body
I am instantly uplifted
You make feel so alive
This is something I never want to be deprived from

I am in ecstasy
As I you penetrate all of my senses
And fill every cell in my body

My soul you have possessed
With you I am completely obsessed


Goosebumps appear as you kiss my skin
I become fearless, untouchable, unstoppable
I know others are watching me
I am surrounded by smiles
But I don’t pay any attention
For I have escaped into my own piece of heaven

The energy that consumes me
Is overwhelming
It’s all around me
Everything seems so surreal
Things feel like they’re in slow motion
But at the same time fast paced

My heart continues to race
For I have fallen completely in love with you
Nothing has ever made me feel the way you do

Every movement releases any chains of stress
Bringing peace and harmony within myself
Clearing away any need to feel depressed


SUDDENLY… you stop!
It’s that time of the night I dread
My surroundings become more visible
Everyone has formed a close bond
But that oneness we all shared
Starts to fade away
As reality is fast approaching

We all start to stray
Drifting apart from one another
All of us becoming strangers again
Facing our own inner demons
And we’re back to being handcuffed
By the social network – SOCIETY

I feel you leave through the pores of my skin
NOOO! DON’T LEAVE ME!
The tears swell up in my eyes
I am now filled with emptiness inside
Until the next time we embrace
I’ll reminisce about the time we shared
I look forward to dancing with you again
And feel my body and mind escape

*age 27*
19/6/07

SPECIAL FATHER

i wrote this poem for my dad (obviously). i also wrote a song for him, but have chosen not to put the music on here.
You are a son to be proud of
And a father to look up too
You're compassionate, kind and protective
around you i feel safe
you help keep me strong
and leave my mind in a positive head space

you have such admirable qualities
that how could i not respect you
always thinking of everyone else's needs
when at times your own heart bleeds

you have a warm and tenderness side to you
but yet, at the same time
you have a real strength that shines through
and when i am better
i will be there for you
To show you how much i appreciate
everything that you do

but don't forget to be there for yourself
don't neglect your own health
show yourself the same respect you give others
nurture yourself
and see the beauty within
that everyone else can see
including me

Dad,
You are not just my father
You are my best friend
And i know we'll remain that way
Right through to the end

they say a ring is round
And that's for sure
And that's how long
i'll love you for

Love your honourable daughter no.1

Written 18/04/07
26 yrs old

Friday, May 9, 2008

SAMSARA



The karmic wheel spins again, like waiting for a number on the roulette table, which realm of samsara, will we take birth in this time?
From beginningless times, we’ve had to endure the suffering of countless rebirths and experience all kinds of karma, because we cannot control our mental afflictions of desire, attachment and ignorance.

We are blessed to be born as humans, rather then a hell being, or in the animal realm of ‘eat or be eaten’, but being born into a place of leisure and opportunity, do we use our time wisely?

We’re too concerned with money, sex and power!
These are the most important things to have, or are they?

We work all day, sleep all night and strive to have material possessions. This is what success is based on. But what is success really?

When we pass on from this life, will working hard all our life, until one is sick or old and having all the latest gadgets (that we’re constantly bombarded with by big corporations, that don’t care, who or what they destroy, because they are fueled by their own greed) really mean anything in the end? Is this real success?
Living a simple life and showing love and compassion to all beings, wouldn’t this be considered true success?

Actually making a difference in the world, by bringing love into the hearts of people and animals and respecting our land.

After all, it’s mother earth that supplies us with all our needs and resources, and we show our appreciation, by treating it, like it’s our own personal toilet! People seem to be more concerned with trivial things, such as their vanity or the pain in their little toe, rather than the important things going on in the world.
When we pass on from this life, we leave all our loved ones behind and our possessions, so why have attachment?
Love unconditionally, give generously without expectations.

For it is not us who dies, just the form we take on in this life. When we leave this life, who we are now, will NEVER be here again. We will never come back as the person we’re known to others today. We will be someone entirely different.
However, our mental continuum will carry on to take our next rebirth and depending on how we behave, will determine, how our next life will be and what form we take on.

We are in control of what happens to us, through our thoughts and actions. Karma will continue to exist while we live with cravings and attachment to things, including our own self cherishing (one who cherishes the self, cannot be trusted) The way we see ourselves, the ‘I’, that we so desperately grasp on too, doesn’t really exist, the way we perceive it.
We are but merely a name, that exists for only a certain amount of time.

Being born as a human, we have accumulated much merit. To be beautiful one has created much patience. From ethics comes happiness, joyous effort comes strength and generousity comes resources.

Another thing i'd like to say, is why do we hold on to the past? Would you go through yesterday’s garbage to make tonight’s meal?

And fantasising about the future can bring disappointment, when things don’t go our way.
As John Lennon said “Life is what happens to you, while you’re busy making other plans”

So live in the now and follow a virtuous path.

Karma is expantial No matter how small the deed (good or bad).
It’s like a seed that’s planted and grows into a huge tree, with many branches. Once planted, nothing can stop the seed, unless other factors come into play and prevent that from happening.
For eg. doing a negative action, will ripen, unless purified.

Search for happiness within, because external conditions or in another term, samsaric pleasures, will only bring temporary happiness.

When suffering from mental anguish or physical pain, know that it will pass, nothing is permanent. I have had my own experiences with this. If one is going through this, know that it will be temporary, no matter how permanent it may seem at the time.

Everything is transient.

Have faith in two of the 4 noble truths which is “there is a cause to suffering and there is cessation of suffering.”

I know, that by feeling depressed, frustrated or angry, will only create more negative karma for myself, therefore, more suffering.

Instead, by helping other’s, helps relieve one’s own pain, because it takes the focus off one’s self. It also teaches us kindness and brings much merit.

If someone behaves badly to another being, this shows a lack of inner contentment. Instead of retaliating in the same manner, and seeing the person as inherently bad or as an enemy, use this person to help develop patience and wisdom.
Practice equanimity to all beings.

All our experiences we go through, are due to our own karmic conditions, ripening at that particular time. Nothing can happen to us, unless we have created the cause to do so.
So stay positive with an open mind, show love and compassion, be generous and follow the path of morality.

Love and blessings

Written 17/03/07

May you appreciate...

I was inspired to write this poem, after i witnessed something that i found very upsetting.I thought about the preciousness of life and the fragility of it. As i pondered over my many thoughts, i was admiring the beauty of nature, as i stood there and looked out over the 1000 acres of lush greenery, that surrounded me. And thought about how much we can learn from it...

may your days be filled with sunshine
and your nights with tw inkling stars
may you wake up everyday and value who you are.

may you have the chance to go out bush and find some tranquil time
to be away from the stresses of life and find peace within your mind
and to wake up to the soulful tunes of birds singing a happy song
and hear them call out to their relatives for them to merry-ly sing along

and may you have the chance to walk along the beach
while the ocean air cleanses your aura as the sand massages your feet
and as you stand there looking out to sea
with your skin being tickled by the gentle breeze
may you appreciate the abundant life and activity
that live beneath the ocean sheathe
and as you leave the beach may you feel refreshed and revived
after breathing in the fresh, cleansing air and you feel great to be alive

and may you appreciate the vibrant beauty of a flower as it blooms
and it's colours and smell radiate your senses and brings a smile when feeling gloom
and to enjoy the beauty of a dew drop as it drips upon a leaf
and glistens in the sunlight until it evaporates in the heat

and when going to bed at night feeling warm and cosy beneath the sheets
may you be thankful you're not living on the streets
and that you have no fear and are able to sleep

and may you give compassion to all living beings
whether an ant or human they all have feelings

to give love without wrong expectations is the true meaning of the word
and to live without judgements these are just some of our learning curves

and to acknowledge that desire is the key to all suffering
so before acting upon it think if there's anyone you'll be harming

and may you appreciate having intelligence and being physically and mentally able
to enjoy the beauty around us and to be living in a country that's relatively stable

and may you appreciate the warmth of a smile that appears on someone's face
either given or received is something that can never be taken or erased

so forget about the trivial things in life, for at any moment, can come death
it's as close as being on the other side of a wall
after the mere cessation of breath

and try not to be despondant about the negativities in life
and things that can't be changed
acknowledge the beauty within one's self and what mother nature has to offer
and by giving to the less fortunate helps to ease one's own pain

and may you always have a life that's filled with PEACE, LOVE, and meee (HARMONY)

written sep/06
age 26