In The Moment

I sit on my bed,
Looking out at my view, through the opened French doors

As the sun goes down, I watch it seep through parts of the cloudy sky, while others gracefully float on by.

A soft breeze is welcomed, temporarily distracting me from a humid summer's afternoon.
Listening to the meditative sounds of sacred earth, helps me to feel at peace .

As the sun goes down, I see all the pretty lights, glow in the suburb before me.
In front of them is a dead tree, but its interesting contours, give it an art exibit feel.

I notice my surroundings how they appear to me now.
In these moments there is no need to speak, or even think.
I see, that being in the present moment, is all there really is.

Does a future actually exist?
And does the past really matter?

Being in the present, seems so much simpler, yet I know I'll complicate things again with my fluttering thoughts and believing each one to be true.

Why do we as humans feel the need to think all the time?

Reminiscing over the past and worrying about the future,
when the things we worry about may not even come into fruition, let alone the future itself.

If we give ourselves that moment,
to be in the moment,
We can then feel what we're always searching for...

Inner peace.


Written 13/12/08
Age 28

THE SOCIABLE ME

Reminiscing about the past
About who I used to be
The sociable out going girl
Feeling forever lost within me.


Spontaneously approaching anyone for a friendly chat
And a bit of playful fun
Having a laugh and a joke around
But now I feel that part of me is gone
Although, I know it's still there somewhere
For when my friend's invite me out, I want to say ''yeah,I'm there!''
My mind is as keen as ever
But my body says ''you're not going anywhere!''


So I'll once again suppress my emotions
And tell myself I've changed
Feeling like I'm a passenger passing by on a boat
Saying farewell to this side of me as I stand there and wave
there's tension in my tummy
From lying to myself
Pretending I'm ok with being a ''hermit''
Due to my ill health
I want to shout!
I want to scream!
I want to show everyone


The sociable me!
Yet, my mind reluctantly tells me otherwise
But my body is no fool
They are often at war with each other
And going through this
Is just plain cruel!


The pain, anxiety and frustration I feel
The social interactions and independence the surgeons had to steal
I once had an enjoyable life
Before I fell under the spell of that cold, metal knife
But I will continue to let my mind tell myself that I don't need much of a social life
Although my body knows this isn't the truth as inside it continues to cry


Written 16/08/08
Age 28