THE SOCIABLE ME

Reminiscing about the past
About who I used to be
The sociable out going girl
Feeling forever lost within me.


Spontaneously approaching anyone for a friendly chat
And a bit of playful fun
Having a laugh and a joke around
But now I feel that part of me is gone
Although, I know it's still there somewhere
For when my friend's invite me out, I want to say ''yeah,I'm there!''
My mind is as keen as ever
But my body says ''you're not going anywhere!''


So I'll once again suppress my emotions
And tell myself I've changed
Feeling like I'm a passenger passing by on a boat
Saying farewell to this side of me as I stand there and wave
there's tension in my tummy
From lying to myself
Pretending I'm ok with being a ''hermit''
Due to my ill health
I want to shout!
I want to scream!
I want to show everyone


The sociable me!
Yet, my mind reluctantly tells me otherwise
But my body is no fool
They are often at war with each other
And going through this
Is just plain cruel!


The pain, anxiety and frustration I feel
The social interactions and independence the surgeons had to steal
I once had an enjoyable life
Before I fell under the spell of that cold, metal knife
But I will continue to let my mind tell myself that I don't need much of a social life
Although my body knows this isn't the truth as inside it continues to cry


Written 16/08/08
Age 28