I FEEL WEIRD

I feel weird.

Try to find the words to explain, but... SILENCE... There are none.

There are feelings, but what are they?
Where are they coming from?
What do they mean?
Yet, what I feel doesn't really exist.
I feel nothing.
So what is real?

Which of my emotions are true?
Can I even use the word truth?
What does that even mean? Truth?

I am in the present, but am also absent.
Absent from what? I am not sure.

My mind, body, my surroundings or all of the above, who knows.
Although can I say these things are mine?
Do I own them? No. How can I, when everything is transitory?

With every blink, life changes.
How does it change?
How am I changing?
How can I work this out, when I don't know who I am?

WHO AM I???

What are my beliefs?
Where do my beliefs come from?
How much of it is from the inside?
How much of my conditioning to the world is from what I have been subjected to in my life and surroundings?
How much of what I think is from being bombarded by external conditions?

What are these changes going on within me?

It is like a rapid water fall.
Normally I would grab onto an overhanging branch and hold on tight, but instead, I will dismiss it and flow fast and free with the current.

It is exciting, yet peaceful.
Confusing, yet less clouded.
Tiring, yet rejuvenating.
Emotional, yet empty

The openness helps release anxiety.
I feel less fear.

My old skin is shedding, in preparation for the new.
How and who will I be tomorrow?
Who will I be in a few months, at the end of this year and in a year's time?

Will I finally find the HARMONY within?

I do know that the person I am at this moment, will be different within months to a year, that is One question I don't need to ask, as I am noticing changes from a monthly basis, which seems to have transpired to weekly.

So instead of analyzing everything little thing and trying to answer questions that I'm not even sure what I am asking, I shall continue to open myself to the ride down the waterfall and soak up the pleasant scenery with my inquisitive mind, but only taking in, what I feel is intuitively healthy for me and enjoy the times of peace and serenity and learn to develop more of that and less of the mental, emotional and physical discomfort.

My life has never been dull.
It has been an interesting journey and I know this next phase will, once again, not dissapoint
I will see where it takes me...


Age 28
Written 6/5/08